J.W. Grace

The giant blue beam in the heart of the Citadel fills my field of vision, blocking my view of Earth and the battle between the fleet I helped assemble and the Reapers.   That all fades away as I see the faces of the people who I’m fighting for, the people who gave their lives so I could get here: Thane, Kaidan, Mordin, Legion… Anderson.  

Damn that Illusive Man! All his meddling in this war only made things worse. We could have had a chance to end this so much better if it wasn’t for him.  The stupid indoctrinated bastard was working for the Reapers all along and he never even knew.  

But I can’t think about him now.  It only lessens everything that we have accomplished.  He and the Reapers failed and I’m still here.  

So, why am I rushing to meet my doom? Why don’t I destroy the Reapers and end this nightmarish cycle? Why don’t I take control of them and drive them back into the farthest corners of space?

The answer is simple: neither of those choices will stop this endless cycle of extinction. The Reapers are doing what they are programmed to do and they will never stop. Destroying them, if that’s truly possible, will only allow our ancestors to create another monstrous synthetic race to destroy everything later. Next time, the machines may decide to destroy all life instead of letting organics rebuild from the ashes.

Also, destroying them will also destroy the Geth and EDI. She and Legion have both shown how well Synthetics can adapt and integrate with organics.  They’ve come so far and they deserve a chance to see the universe and find their place in it.

If I take control, how long will it be before they break free? And what atrocities will be committed with the Reapers by whoever takes control after me? Cerberus and the Illusive Man are a perfect example of why organics can’t be trusted to use technology responsibly. Even the Quarians and what they did with the Geth show how we can take synthetics for granted and force them to turn them against us. There’s no way to know how long we would be able to maintain control of the Reapers. How long before uses them as a weapon against someone else and starts the whole cycle over again?

The only true solution is Synthesis. By joining Synthetic and Organic life, we break the cycle. We start something new that can last for an eternity. Javik would hate me for thinking this way, but he can’t see past the war that he fought and lost. He can’t see what we have accomplished in this cycle. He’s trapped in the past, only able to see the failure of his people. I hope that the people I care about and the rest of the galaxy can ever forgive me for making this choice.

I know this is the right choice, my only real choice, but do I have regrets?

My only one is that I won’t see her face again: Tali’zorah vas Normandy. MY Tali. I’ll never forget the warmth of her skin on mine and the look of love in her eyes. Our last night together when the fleet was mobilizing still lingers with me, all the passion and need driving us to an experience that still makes me tingle when I think of it. She stood by me through everything: facing Sovereign and taking down Saren, assaulting the Collectors and getting our crew out of there safely, the horrors of Sanctuary, and finally seeing Kai Lang fall and the destruction of Cerberus once and for all. Every step of the way, she’s been by my side.

She gave up her homeworld to be with me. I only hope she’s safe down there along with Ashley and James and EDI. Garrus And Javik followed me through hell to get here and I feel a surge of grief for them.  Javik, the only survivor from the last war with the Reapers and Garrus, my best friend, who survived a rocket to the face.  I hope they made it, like Anderson, but I heard Coats’ voice over the comm.  Hammer was wiped out.  

The endless swarm of Reapers nearly killed us a dozen times over on our way to the beam, but our fight was almost ended with the red flash of destruction. I know that was Harbinger staring down at us and I’ll bet that giant metal bastard loved seeing everyone fall. But now I can finally beat him. With just a few more steps, it will be over: the struggle, the fighting, the death.  As I blink away tears and focus on my path, my steps become more sure and I smile to myself.  I know this is right.

I take one last step and the brilliant energy blinds me. I jump and feel gravity take control as I tumble into the stream of heat. My entire body flares with the energy. Skin sloughs away to reveal circuitry. Blood turns into a stream of electric current and I feel my mind open up to the cosmos.  Awareness surges through me and the knowledge of the universe floods my mind.  The world dissolves in a field of luminous green and my last thought is of her, my Tali. I love you.